From June 12th, the day that Gilad Sha'ar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Fraenkel, may God avenge their blood, were kidnapped, I was reading an ancient text that still provides comfort today -- the Book of Psalms.
I repeated the "magic formula" of Psalms to say in a time of trouble -- 13, 20, 83, 121, 130, 142 -- every day, and I sat with women's prayer groups almost every day and read books and books of Psalms, hoping against hope that these boys would return to their families alive and unharmed.
On Monday night, June 30th, when their murdered bodies were discovered, I continued to recite Psalms to find some solace in the words of King David, to comprehend the incomprehensible question of why the righteous suffer. These verses were particularly poignant:
Psalm 13 - For the Conductor. A psalm by David. How long, God, will you endlessly forget me? How long will You hide Your countenance from me? How long must I set schemes within myself, is my heart melancholy even by day; how long will my enemy triumph over me? Look! Answer me! God, my God; enlighten my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. Lest my enemy boast: 'I have overcome him!' Lest my tormentor rejoice when I falter. But as for me, I trust in Your kindness; my heart will exult in Your salvation. I will sing to God, for He has dealt kindly with me.
Psalm 20 - May He grant your heart's desire and fulfill your every plan.
Psalm 83 - Against your nation they plot deviously...
Psalm 121 - I raise my eyes to the mountains, from where will my help come?
Psalm 130 - Let Israel hope for God
Psalm 142 - I pour out my plaint before Him, my distress I declare before Him.
As life was slowly returning to what passes for normal only in Israel, I was able to squeeze in a book that I had doubts about liking and ended up enjoying very much. I met Menucha Chana Levin at the Jerusalem Women Writers' Conference (see my previous post), and she was nice enough to give me a copy of her new book, A Family for Frayda. It was originally serialized in Binah Magazine and it is based on a true story of a girl longing for a family whose mother was a rather cold and indifferent woman. In Frayda's story, she does find a family and live somewhat happily every after. As a reader of YA fiction, I found its simplicity refreshing -- no paranormal creatures, no explicit language or sex. I was also impressed that in a book from an Orthodox publisher there are nuanced characters that are not perfect. There are times when someone can be preachy, but even then another character will respond, "You sound like a therapist." There is a strong sense of place in Jerusalem, and unlike quite a few serials that appear in magazines, the chapters end with loose ends, not overly dramatic cliffhangers. For those of us who had awkward teenage years of not being an ideal weight and challenging relationships with their parents (raise you hand if you DIDN'T), A Family for Frayda will definitely touch your heart.
I also found either my new best friend or a codependent in Jen Mann, whose new book, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, will be coming out in September. Her collection of essays chronicles life's little (and big) annoyances. The working title of my book on the subject is When I Go on My Ax Rampage, but her list is similar to mine in that it includes, carpools, snooty mothers with obnoxious kids, pretentious preschools and the like.
Operation Defensive Shield began shortly after I finished these books. When the sirens go off, we all run for the safe room (bomb shelter). I still pull out the Psalms and say them until we get the "all clear."
As we enter The Three Weeks, I have started reading Rav Schwab on Iyov (Artscroll 2005). The Book of Job is an appropriate read during this time of semi-mourning, and also in this time of murders and war. I'm hoping this insightful book, based on Rav Schwab's lectures, will help me to reconcile the fact that I do not -- and cannot -- understand the workings of God.
Besorot Tovot (Hoping to hear good news)!